Episode 013  ·  September 1, 2026

Chris Ostberg

A Promise to God He Broke for 20 Years

Chris Ostberg is a 16-year Army veteran, from 82nd Airborne infantryman to Civil Affairs officer, who broke a promise to God for two decades before a single Facebook message brought him back to both faith and love.

Chris Ostberg: A Promise to God He Broke for 20 Years

Chris Ostberg sits down with Dan Black to trace a winding, unflinchingly honest path from a homeschooled childhood in small-town Massachusetts through 16 years of Army service across the 82nd Airborne, Civil Affairs, and multiple war zones, to an affair that ended his career and his first marriage, to roofing houses on Fort Bragg as a form of unexpected grace, to reconnecting with a high-school-era girlfriend who brought him back to church and eventually became his wife. This episode is especially notable for Chris's candor about doubt itself: he's honest that even now, he isn't always sure he has "enough" faith.

Military Veteran Army 82nd Airborne Civil Affairs Infidelity Divorce Faith Redemption Marriage Christian Testimony Doubt
The Story

Chris Ostberg grew up homeschooled in a small town in Massachusetts, the son of a Harvard-educated mother and an architect father who traveled overseas frequently. His childhood faith, shaped by a small Episcopalian church, always felt more like a set of rules than a relationship, something he could read in Leviticus and conclude didn't leave much room for anyone. He enlisted in the Army at 18 wanting to be an infantryman, rose quickly through the ranks of the 82nd Airborne, and led a squad into the 2003 invasion of Iraq at 21 years old, but not before making a private, half-serious bargain with God on a rooftop in Kuwait, promising to go to church every Sunday if he survived. He survived. He did not go to church again for twenty years.

"If I make it through the war, I'll go to church every Sunday."

What followed was a long stretch of disillusionment and self-inflicted damage. Chris came home from Iraq uncertain what the war had actually accomplished, left active duty for a relationship with a woman he barely knew, and spent sixteen years married to her marked by heavy drinking and repeated infidelity. He later transitioned into Civil Affairs, learned Arabic, and deployed again during the fight against ISIS, but an affair with a servicemember he worked alongside ended both his marriage and, after a lengthy investigation, his sixteen-year Army career, just short of retirement. He describes the identity collapse that followed as the hardest thing that ever happened to him, and in the same breath, the best.

Struggling to find steady work, Chris took a job roofing historic buildings on Fort Bragg, a season he found humbling and unexpectedly healing. It was during this stretch of rebuilding that his life pivoted again. On the day his marriage effectively ended, he looked up a girlfriend from his early twenties on Facebook and noticed she had been posting about her church. He sent her a simple message, "Hey, I see you still like Jesus," and she wrote back immediately, astonished he was even alive. They reconnected, and during a nine-month deployment to Somalia that followed, Chris began quietly re-engaging with his faith, watching sermons and reading scripture largely so he could talk it through with her.

"Hey, I see you still like Jesus."

Near the end of that deployment, in a moment of fear rather than conviction, Chris nearly destroyed the relationship, telling her he would never share her faith or build a family with her, even though he had already decided in private that was exactly what he wanted. They reconciled. He came home, they married, and roughly two years before this conversation, he was baptized, not as a single dramatic turning point, but as the next honest step in a faith he had spent two decades avoiding.

Today Chris works as a civilian connected to the military at Fort Bragg, raising a family with his wife. He remains unusually candid about the parts of faith that still don't come easily: a persistent uncertainty about whether he has enough of it, a gap between who he is at work and who he is at home, and an ongoing wrestling match between reading scripture for knowledge and actually living it out as wisdom.

From This Episode
"God doesn't care about this."
— During his first deployment to Iraq
"Maybe that's the first time I really started thinking about like, 'Oh, I'm not actually like a good person.' Whatever that means. Like I'm pretty sure I'm not that."
— After his separation from the Army
"I didn't know you were alive."
— His now-wife's reply to his Facebook message
"There's absolutely a question about whether I have enough faith."
— On living with honest doubt
"It had to have been part of a plan."
— Looking back on his separation from the Army
"That's where you just have to be humble. You just do good at this thing that I think is the right thing to do."
— Chris Ostberg
Scripture
Leviticus
Referenced repeatedly by Chris as the source of his early, legalistic reading of scripture growing up, a rules-focused view of faith that made it feel transactional rather than relational.
Hebrews
Referenced as what his wife was reading regarding Jesus being "seated at the right hand" and becoming "higher than the angels," which sparked a discussion between them about the Trinity.
The Prodigal Son
Alluded to by Dan, connecting Chris's own framing of his story, leaving, wandering, and returning to find God had been there the whole time, to the parable of the father who never stopped waiting.
Topics Covered
A homeschooled childhood in Massachusetts
A legalistic reading of scripture growing up
Enlisting in the Army at 18
A fast rise through the 82nd Airborne
A rooftop promise before the invasion of Iraq
Leading a squad into Iraq at 21 years old
Disillusionment coming home from a first deployment
A 16-year marriage marked by drinking and infidelity
Transitioning into Civil Affairs and learning Arabic
Deployments during the counter-ISIS push
An affair that ended a career and a marriage
Involuntary separation from the Army after 16 years
Total identity collapse after losing a career
Roofing historic buildings on Fort Bragg
A Facebook message that restarted everything
Rebuilding a relationship during a deployment to Somalia
Nearly sabotaging a relationship out of unworthiness
Marriage, family, and baptism
The difference between knowledge and wisdom in scripture
Reconciling who you are at work and at home
Living with honest doubt about "enough" faith